Child Support

Child Supports Core Mission is the following.

 

Child Support is not a payback to a father/mother who has no part in his/her child's life. It is a resource available to the mother/father that is raising a child on their own with no financial help form the other parent. It is meant to establish paternity, support orders and locate parents that are absent. Child Support is a way of helping the parent that is raising a child alone, to have finical stability to give the child what he/she would have if the parent were in the child's life.

I am a single mother of five, three men fathered these children in the same form I mothered them. I shouldn't have to take the load upon myself to maintain a life and lifestyle for these children, as they go about their lives and do nothing to help. I may have made the choices to keep them, but they also had made the choices to do what they did to make them.

What prompted my decision recently after so many years to file support against the three, was the mere fact that I am sick of hearing how many bags of weed they are smoking, or studio sessions their paying for, or beers they drank last weekend, when I am struggling to purchase pampers and pay for daycare. I mean seriously? Lets do the math, shall we? Lets!

Between the three fathers that fathered my children here are the expenses they spend on things that on some real 'ish don't matter!

• A case of beer of his choice $24 x 4 weekends is a total of $96
• Drug of his choice $10 x 30 days is a total of $300
• A studio session of an hour can run $100-150 if not more.. 2 three times a month . is a total of  $3-400 a month

I can go on and on. I am sick and tired of seeing photos of them all over Facebook with sneakers that cost anywhere from $100-150 when their children have a pair a quarter of that price! So lets face it, call it what you want I will call it what it is. If you got money for all this unnecessary worthless 'ish, then you got money to support your kid! Point! Blank! Period!

Child Support is not a way out of poverty or a check I am looking to receive to get my next weave or get my nails done. I work two jobs to handle that. It is a check I deserve from the fathers of my children to help take the load off my back and to provide my kids what they need without ever having to say no!

Child Support issues can go in so many ways. Their are fathers out there that do what they can for their children and still are hit with child support. Understand this, coming from a single mother, I do sympathize with you. If my children's fathers were man enough to do what your doing, I would have never made the choices I made. In fact at one point I took one off support because he at one point was providing for his children. But also understand this, it takes a lot more to raise and support a child when it's only just one in the home. An outfit, pair of sneakers and a lunch date here and there don't cut it. Their are so many other things that come into effect when raising a child alone.

For the mothers that take that money paid to them to only take care of themselves, well, I honestly have no words for that. If money comes before your children, rather if you come before your children then you have no business being a mother. Stop allowing your vanity to become greater then your responsibility and take that money and go get your children a better pair of sneakers and try this for change, maybe your daughter would like a new outfit too!

I definitely feel that I did the right thing, and I honestly could care less how mad these men get. One had the audacity to tell me to loose his number. LMAO! Dude really, so now your going to care even more less then you did cause now your going to be forced to support him? Well alright then. No problem! After I gave the number to the case worker, the number got lost! Boy Bye! Ain't nobody got time for that.

To end this..

Ladies, I believe you have every right to seek the help you need from these men that walk around as if they owe nothing to these children or you for raising them. Men, please take up the responsibility. Be thankful for your children, be thankful that God even allowed you the amazing gift of being a father and do all you can while you can because you never know when it is to late. That goes for the dead beat mothers as well!

God Bless!

Judy Ortiz

Thoughts Of A Real Women... Pieces Of Me

Tell It Like It Is!

This is a good one only because it happens so often. What comes out of our mouths isn't always what we mean. Their are times when you get so angry at him for not know what you are thinking, yet your not being clear enough for him to figure it out. This goes hand in hand with my last blog. In order for our communication to be effective, you have to be clear and to the point. DO NOT assume he knows what you mean, how your felling or what your talking bout. I guarantee that he don't and never will.

Mean what you say! Don't ask him to leave if you really don't want him to leave. A man takes these words as a free pass to leave and trust me when he is gone, he is gone. Don't tell him that your breaking up with him, if deep down your not ready to. If he believes the relationship is in jeopardy every time you fight then he is going to avoid the situation altogether and keep it moving, and not in the direction your expecting. Because your only leading him to believe that everything he does could potentially send you two towards a breakup, your allowing the man to focus on other possibitlies that can get him out of the current situation.

Ladies, we get angry and our anger results in words we later regret. A man is not in tuned to our thinking. He is going to go with every word you said and role with it. His thoughts are, "Well, she told me to leave so I'm out. I will be back tomorrow man, I'm not dealing with this crazy girl." And trust me that man won't walk in till tomorrow morning, hoping that your fire burned out a notch.

But fellas, your wrong! Now she is even more mad at you and the situation is going to lead to something else. Avoid the drama, When she says get the hell out, go get her flowers and tickets to a movie. When she says it's over, she really needs you to show more affection. When she tells you something is wrong, listen to her. And vise versa. Ladies, be the women your man needs as much as you need him to be a man to you.

Ladies, a man don't know what your thinking unless your specific and that is where communication plays a role. Communicate wisely and specifically. Bring it straight forward. If how you feel doesn't concern him then he isn't the one you need to be with. He should listen and be aware of your feelings and make the efforts needed to make those changes. A man that cares for his women, any man for that matter that realizes he is wrong, will admit to his faults and correct his flaws.If the relationship is one that he is not willing to loose, I guarantee that the minute you sit and communicate with him effectively, things will begin to turn around.

Now, I am well aware of the jerk that won't care at all how you feel. I had a few share of them too. You love him and that is why you keep trying. But let me tell you this, you will keep trying and he will keep being the way he is because your faithfulness he knows isn't something he is going to loose. Don't be stupid ladies. There comes a time where you just got to take your lose and move on. There is not one man out there worth waiting around for if time after time his results remain the same.

"It's better to be alone then being accompanied by someone that still makes you feel lonely." 

-Judy Ortiz

God Bless!

Judy Ortiz

Thoughts Of A Real Women .. Pieces of Me



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Your Thoughts Could Be Costly

We as women have so many issues dealing with our emotions. Come on, I know it is hard to admit but seriously can you deny that statement? If we been hurt, we are always getting hurt. If we been lied to, we are always being lied to. If we been abused, we are going to be abused again. Fear of never being able to go back to the first time you fell in love and we had no idea what pain, lies, abuse and betrayal was. It is a constant mind battle that we struggle with. One that can be very costly. It can cost a good relationship to go bad, a good home to become broken, a marriage to fail and most of all destroy trust that you and your partner have tried so hard to build.

 

Initially, the beginning of a relationship is always the best part. Especially for those type of women that have these very issues I am speaking about. In the beginning of the relationship, your growing and your trusting him not to be like someone in your past. The love we hope for becomes our goal to reach, and the love we expect becomes our every desire. We deserve it, we expect and then... He doesn't come home, he forgot to call, he forgot your date, he forgot your birthday. Suddenly, the love of your life becomes your ex and the ex before that and the ex before that. Don't laugh! You know its true! I'm telling you because I am guilty of it. I did it too. We automatically assume he is a piece of shit and he is cheating, or lying about where he is and the list goes on and on.

OK! I know what your thinking. He did cheat, and he did lie and he wasn't at his boys house. Okay, maybe he wasn't but was he with a women? Did he not go to his boys house because he wanted a drink at the bar? Or did he lie to protect you or to avoid the very reason why you are angry? Think about it. Most often then none, a man is going to avoid drama. He is not trying to hear your mouth woman! He knows about your past, because you told him. He knows your going to get mad, because you warned him. And he knows your going to lock his ass out the house, because well, your crazy.

We have a good reason to be cautious of the relationships we are in, and the men we are in them with. But we also have to be careful that we aren't allowing our thoughts and fears to destroy something good and plentiful to our lives. We as women, allow our emotions to get the best of us and sometimes that could be costly.

Don't fix something if it isn't broken. Ever heard that before? Well I say, don't brake something that is fixed! Keep the foundation you have and evaluate the relationship, but keep the emotions and feelings to yourself till you have the proof you need to move forward with your accusations.  Because trust me, If he isn't cheating, or if he isn't lying because he wants to hurt you, your just pushing him to do so.

I don't feel that any man should lie to his women, but I do understand why they do. And, ladies lets be honest, your not so truthful yourself. So lets be fair. Respect each other enough to allow the space you both need without the over thinking. Just because your out there doing it, don't mean he is! BOOM! The truth hurts don't it? I am just keeping it real!

If it isn't working out, take a brake. Figure out what is bothering you, talk about it. Listen to the advise of others. Your friends and family know what's best for you, trust their judgment. Don't wait till the situations is too heated that you both grow hate for each other and something drastic happens that could of been avoided.

Love is very hard to maintain. It doesn't happen over night, and it doesn't end easily. Be careful who you open your heart to. And ladies, I know we often go by our instincts and they say our instincts are always right. But instincts and past issues don't mix. Every man that comes in your life is not your ex. And every instinct you have is not always on point. Build enough space between relationships in order to avoid the drama.

Most men hate the fact that a women has been hurt in her past and will try to avoid a relationship with her. Most men believe these women are easy and can take advantage of their vulnerability. And then there are men that no matter what your past was, they are determined to make sure your future will never be anything like your past.

Ultimately the best advice I can give you is this. Allow God to be your matchmaker. Let God guide you toward the right man. What God does he does perfectly and he will never fail you!

God Bless!

Judy Ortiz

Thoughts Of A Real Woman ... Pieces of Me

Optical Illusion

We all have been in a relationship that was just full of lies and pain. I know I had my share. This poem came from a realization that I got myself into something that was not healthy for me. You can't change anyone. As much as you try and as much as you want to, if someone is hurting, has been hurt or is steal dealing with pain, until they are 100% healed within, they will never learn how to love. Love yourself enough to know the difference. Sometimes beauty that oozes from the outside is toxic within.

Optical Illusion

 

Consideration, appreciation, attention, affection, and sentimental pleasures over pain any day..
Whatever you do just take the pain away.
Lead me to believe what I was seeing is you.

What I was hearing were lines already used.
What you were revealing were open wounds.
An optical illusion

I have learned that love recycled you can't use.
Opened wounds can't be bruised.
A fatally beating heart can't produce.
The traps I've placed captures moments I've erased.
Optical illusion

True love does not snooze
Don't lose something good for something used.
Don't leave something bad for something worse.
Don't ask me to make you see what's not there.

Don't lose the hand that lifts you up for a hand that let's you fall.
Don't cry for something cursed.
When the devil hears he works.
Don't give what's expected. Hold on to your worth.
Optical illusion

The truth hurts.
What you don't work hard for is not yours.
A cold heart is preserving a broken heart. That can and will beat again.
Tiny drops of love will make that happen.
But all you see is you and your not even invited in.
Can't make the heart beat with diluted heat.
Your pain and misery...they can't teach me.
Your Type of love I can't fight.
This crazy cycle has lost life.
It's time the storm passes by or you'll be left hearing good-bye.
Optical illusion

I know no defection in the tragic reflection of a cold hearted believer.
I know no hate or fear
For where there is true love these things do not appear.
And that's why I requested you stay right here.
When the storm passes by so do the tears I have cried.
When you awake to realize the memories of this life are stripped out of your mind.
Reflect to the manual of a "Cold hearted wife"
Optical illusion

"Your are strong enough to let go. All you have to do is take the first step. God will handle the rest"
~Judy Ortiz

Cut It Out!

Depressed? Can't take it any more? Are you just ready to let it all go and give up? Feel like no one cares about you, right? He did you wrong, she played you, they lied and the list keeps going on and on. I been there too. It's the worst feeling. Depression is the leading cause of deaths in the world. Depression can cripple the very person you love. It's so easy to fall into this web. This disease.

I honestly will say this, and I know many will not agree with me and that's fine. There is no better medicine to depression then Jesus Christ. You don't need a pill, or a high priced physiologist. You need a few steps towards a positive attitude and a conversation with your creator. It is as simple as that! Whatever is causing the depression to occur just "Cut it out" of your life.Yup! Just "Cut it out" No one is in control of your happiness but you. We often like to put the blame on our situations or the people in and around our lives, even those that don't help us when we desperately need it. But honestly the problem is you.

Now as simple as that may sound, it isn't easy to recognize. That is why many people that fall under the medically diagnosed sickness called depression, believe because a doctor said "Well, mam your depressed." that indeed your depressed and sick.

 

Rebuke that sickness and that medical claim in the name of Jesus.  I was at the point of no return with my depression and I almost went to seek a medical diagnosis. A pill sounded so much easier to swallow then my reality. When in all seriousness, the reason I was in depression was because I allowed things to take control of me, instead of me taking control of them.

I am going to share some tips with you that will hopefully help you get back to the person you once were. The person that was happy and at their best. Follow the following steps and watch the changes begin to occur in your life and allow yourself the happiness you deserve!

Step 1: "Cut it out"- Remove the garbage and baggage that is holding you down. Nothing should be in your way of success, happiness, and commitment to your goals and future. Who and whatever it is needs to go NOW! Don't put it off any longer. Trust me you don't want to wait any longer. Tomorrow is never promised, and I would give anything to have one day in happiness then two in misery.

Step 2: Get on your knees and pray about it. -We are never going to be on the right track if it and on Gods course. Follow your heart but do Gods will. I have always found complete happiness when I surrendered it all to him to handle. Let God fight for you and he will!

Step 3: Set new goals. -Whether  you have not kept track of your prior goals or you have just laid them to the side, a new set of goals will motivate you to keep going. Setting a new set of goals gives you the advantage over the mistakes you made, because it's a new look on things. It is faith moving forward, believing that what is not seen will be and will come.

Step 4: Have faith! - All you need is a little faith. Faith as small as a mustard seed, moves mountains. Have faith that everything you did prior to this step will be successful. The things you cut out will stay out of your life. Have faith that God will have total control, and have faith that the new goals you set in motion today will be a success tomorrow.

These steps are the steps I took just a few days ago and I feel great! I have never felt so positive and happy in such a long time. I allowed myself to self examine what it was that was making me so depressed, angry and frustrated. When the results came in, it was simply me. I had allowed so much pain in my life, so much corruption that I no longer had control. I allowed these things and people to take control of my every emotion. I lost sight of Gods path in my life and took my own road and it lead me no where. I honestly lost all hope that I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me. One day I got up and I said "I had enough" and did all four steps I mentioned above. I wish I would of taken my own advice a long time ago.

I hope that you find happiness in the middle of your storm. If you or someone you know is going through a hard time and depression is taking over their lives, let me know below and I will keep them in prayer. The devils ultimate goal is to destroy us all in any way he can, and most often then none depression is the number one leading destroyer in families and churches to date. Don't be a victim of his torture. God can set you free!



"The choices we make today are our lessons for tomorrow"

-Judy Ortiz

 

"In life we make choices. That's just the right, left, keep straight, or make

 a U-turn in our roads ahead."

- Judy Ortiz

God bless! XoXo

Thoughts Of A Real Women ... Pieces of Me


Pieces Of Me

Finally after so long I get to share my story along with many other stories we all can relate to. If you been following me on Twitter and Facebook, you know that I have been writing a book titled "Pieces of Me" for a long time now. I have decided not to publish the book, and instead start this blog.

 

Thoughts of A Real Women is not going to be just any other blog out there. This is REAL, raw and very inspiring. I don't know in which direction this will go, but I do know the audience in which I am writing to.

 

Now I know because of the title of the blog most of you think this is just geared towards women. Well, your wrong! Thoughts Of A Real Woman, is indeed for men as well. See men need to know what you put us through, what we think, how we feel, and what is behind our thinking. So fellas, take a ride along with me and be inspired to be different as well.

 

One thing for sure is, I keep it real. What you young chicks like to say " A buck fifty" .. It is what it is and that is that! Black and White over here, no yellow, greens or blue.

 

 

 

I am sure your going to love what you read and I am sure I will hear about it if you don't. Make sure you leave your comments Good or Bad bellow.

Share these blogs with friends and family, subscribe, post and talk about it!

I want to send a huge thank you to someone that inspired me through her own success and journey. Vivian Billings of the VH1 reality show "The Gossip Game" also on twitter @Gossipviv. Make sure you visit her website www.HipHopGossipSite.com Love you Viv!
 

So sit back and enjoy this ride with me. I hope to inspire you all and uplift your spirits with what I have to share. 

To God be all the glory and may my testimony and experiences change many lives.

Amen.

 

I appreciate you all.

 

God bless and Thank you!

Xoxo,

Judy Ortiz
Twitter @Faith_N_LuVv
Facebook Www.facebook.com/TheRealJudyOrtiz


Thoughts of A Real Women "Pieces of Me"